Teaching the Disappointment Concept

We all hope for things. We wake up every morning with some hope or expectation for the day. We give little attention to our dreams until things stop going the way we want.  What do we do with ruptured expectations? What do students do? Do your students know that there’s a word for what they feel?

Every year, I like to spend at least one devotional period talking about the topic of disappointment with my students. Even young children know that they don’t always get what they want. Here are five steps to teach the disappointment-concept on an elementary/middle grade level.

1. Define

Disappointment, according to the dictionary, is a negative feeling about an unfulfilled hope or expectation. At any given moment, we are consciously or subconsciously hoping for something. We were created to long for things- this is a normal part of our experience. I like to help students see that disappointment starts with a hope. When we don’t get what we were hoping for or expecting, we feel disappointed. Disappointment can lead to jealousy, manipulation, anger, grumpy feelings, etc.

2. Illustrate

Disappointment is an abstract concept, especially for elementary and middle grades. A simple diagram on the board or an object lesson can be hugely helpful. I love to draw a diagram to illustrate the progression from Hope to Disappointment to Anger & Jealousy. A cluster of bubbles holds the words “The Hope or Expectation.” An arrow then points to a popping bubble with the word, “DISAPPOINTMENT.” Several smaller arrows point from the popping bubble to words like “Jealousy,” “anger,” “manipulation” and “grumpy feelings.” (See diagram below)

For young children you might try an object lesson. If you carefully remove a chocolate bar from its wrapper, you can replace it with apple slices or some other item. Present this to the class and ask them to tell you what they expect to find inside. Then have a child open it for the class. You can ask “Who was expecting to find apples inside?” (As opposed to “Who was expecting to find a chocolate bar?” as someone will be sure to say they didn’t expect chocolate.) This can be an excellent illustration of receiving something different than the expectation or hope.               

3. Tell

Share a story from your own experience or someone you know. (For older students, you can also have them jot down a time they remember feeling disappointed.) Some students will be able to make their own application, but you’ll still do them a favor if you help them apply this to real life. If you can remember a disappointment from when you were their age, that becomes an excellent connection.

4. Teach

This is where you get to give them helpful ways to think about disappointment. Ask them which part of this progression is usually the most obvious. (the anger, jealousy, etc.) I personally remember being a seventh or eighth grader and dealing with a lot of jealousy. What would have been more helpful for me than just trying to make myself “quit feeling this way”?  We can think of these as symptoms for some other difficulty in the heart. Jealousy is almost always a result of some type of disappointment. No, we don’t want to ignore jealous feelings, but we should look deeper. I want my students to do three things when they recognize disappointment or its symptoms. 1) Name the disappointment, 2) talk to someone about it, and 3) bring it to the Lord. In other words, tell it to themselves, someone else, and to God. I want them to know that it’s okay to hurt. When we acknowledge hurt, we become more soft and less volatile.

5. Revisit

Students need us to build on these concepts and review as in any other subject. Take opportunities to point out disappointment in stories or real-life situations. I draw attention to the disappointment in Jonathon Toomey’s life in “The Christmas Miracle of Jonathon Toomey.”  I’ve also found “The Rabbit Listened” to be a beautifully illustrated children’s book than fits this topic well. Occasionally I may also get a chance to point out that God also experiences disappointment when we don’t turn to Him the way He hopes we will.

Of course, I hope that students will begin to identify disappointments for themselves. One of my most gratifying student-observations came one morning after a patron’s personal testimony in an all-school assembly. “He had disappointment,” she offered when we had returned to our classroom.

Blessings to you as you take and make opportunities to grow students in their understanding of themselves and the One who made them.